The Cynic’s Astrology - Sept/Oct 2008 Horoscope

The Cynic’s Astrology

Sept / Oct 2008 Horoscope

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Keep your eyes, ears, and any other orifice on the alert for attacks.  They could advance from any direction.  If you are not already accustomed to this, you are in for something rather disconcerting and even a little uncomfortable if it is not smoothly dealt with.  This is a war on your current lifestyle and/or any wasteful characteristics you may have been susceptible to.  So be generous with the lube.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Imagine how mummies feel after being unraveled from that musty cotton wrap after centuries?  They probably feel relieved although perhaps a little awkward when they find themselves surrounded by strangers wearing next to nothing.  In your case, necrophiliac's are the least of your problems.  You aren't dead yet.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

At this point, the only way to live in the past is to hitch a ride with Dr. Emmett Brown.  Now if you don't want to have to go through your mother hitting on you when she was a teen, then I think you should stick to what you have going for you in the now.  Compared to popular belief, you do not have a face that only a mother would love.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You are quite the dreamer at times.  However, some mistake your romantic nature for naivete.  It's not a terrible thing to strive for what may be considered by some people to be beautiful albeit impossible goals.  It's up to you to make the impossible a reality.  Keep in mind all talk and no action will just give you the label of 'big talker' or more aptly 'nutcase.'

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

If by some freak occurrence you get the upper hand in a situation that prompts you to take on the characteristics of an honourable leader, then you should play the part.  Of course, you could always listen to your wicked conscience and pull out the card of the malevolent sovereignty.  But remember, not everyone is oblivious to your acts of trickery and sleight of hand.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You will soon be aware of numerous possibilities at hand.  The problem for most would be choosing the right one, especially one that you will be content with down the line.  We all know how much regret eats away our insides.  But hey, you should be happy your life is this exciting.  Some people's only excitement is choosing what cereal to eat in the morning.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

I don't mean to be redundant but with destruction comes rebirth.  What you might not be aware of is that change isn't always concrete.  It could be a transformation from one form of consciousness to another.  So in a sense not all death is bad.  Failure to confront change leads to denial.  Take a look at vampires, you can learn a lot from them.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

This month if you've got it, flaunt it honey.  Use your sex appeal to get what you want, for a little while at least.  You'll find in some cases, you will barely need to do anything as you attract, command, and conquer.  Don't forget to use the best judgment in the course of things, to weed out any unwanted pests.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You may find yourself troubled at the thought of making any concrete choices at this point in time.  Whether it is because your indecisive nature has become a chronic problem, or you just can't shake the opinion of others, try building yourself a hut out of chairs and a sheet.  Here you will find a silence void of outside disturbances.  If it worked when you were a kid, it should work now.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Use your keen powers of observation to notice the minute details that end up being the meat of the matter.  It'll be unexpected but you'll learn something priceless while it'll fly over the head of every other overachiever.  Be certain before you propagate your newly acquired information that it's meant for the ears of others.  Maybe now is the time to be selfish, so keep quiet.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

I fear an epidemic of the 'Blahs' coming your way.  Demotivation and frustration are your worst enemies now.  They could be the rogues of your dissatisfaction.  Take a deep breath and understand that if something doesn't occur at the moment you wish it to, it is inopportune to the majority of those surrounded by the matter.  So don't be a little bitch about it and allow your altruistic sense to overtake you. 

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Don't get too wishy-washy over trivial things like your roommate finishing your favourite cereal, or your dog ripping the head off of your teddy bear of sentimental value, or that the depanneur you frequent just ran out of Peter Jackson's ... well, you get the picture.  Instead, remember to lock your doors and keep an eye on your wallet, because once these areas get violated you'll really have a reason to cry.